


It's a Lewk, Babe

by GuineapigQueen



Series: 300 Followers Requests [5]
Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, M/M, Talk of sex, cancel culture, cartman schenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-11-24 03:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20900552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineapigQueen/pseuds/GuineapigQueen
Summary: "I hate this!" Bebe says angrily "I followed him because he claimed he was a body positive makeup artist. That's why a lot of other people followed him but now he's here selling flat tummy tea!" She seems genuinely upset.or Cartman infiltrates the beauty community and Craig makes it his mission to take him down.





	It's a Lewk, Babe

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for this prompt: A """slightly""" out of your usual request: Cartman looks to exploit a latest craze for money. Ideas: Tik tok Beauty blogger Social media influencer Making his own meme go viral Feel free not to if it's out of your comfort zone!
> 
> I made this my own a little, but I hope you still love it. Also I'm aware I'm not very funny but I gave it my best go!

It's just a regular quiet afternoon in South Park. Craig, Clyde and Bebe are lazing around in Clyde's room, being so lazy they can't even be bothered to really talk to each other. They're just lying around, being idle teenagers on their phones. To be fair they'd been up most of the night together playing video games so now they're quite dead. It's summer and it's hot, the heat isn't helping their tiredness. 

Craig is just playing a mobile game, yawning boredly. He knows that technically he can go home whenever he wants to but he'd be just as bored and lazy there. That and he has to actually get off his ass and walk there. Clyde doesn't have any siblings living at home anyway, so his house is always much quieter. 

They're best friends, Clyde, Bebe, himself and Tweek. He and Tweek are a couple and Clyde and Bebe are a couple. Craig can only hope them pairing off won't ruin their friendships all that much. Tweek would normally be with them but he works a lot over the summer. His parents are absolute slave drivers and the summer means no school. No school means putting Tweek to work any and every day. It sucks, but Craig gets why Tweek does it. He wants savings for the future. Their future, they'll get out of here one day. 

They're all just chilling, scrolling through their phones and just enjoying each others proximity. No conversation needed, but the quiet is interrupted by a groan from Bebe, frowning at her phone.

"What's the problem?" Craig asks, looking up from his own. 

Clyde peeks over at her screen "what now?" He asks. 

"It's this beauty blogger, she's always trending on Tik Tok and Instagram but she's so shit? All she does now is shill MLM products" Bebe wrinkles her nose at the screen. 

"Her lashes are spidery" Clyde points out. Craig raises an eyebrow at him.

"What? Bebe has mad makeup skills okay? Maybe I learnt something" he replies defensively. 

"This is why I'm glad I'm gay" Craig comments. Being with Tweek means he doesn't have to put up with any of that girly shit he has no interest in. 

"It's like, art dude" Clyde explains.

"Yeah, that's why I love it so much" Bebe says "I get to do art on my face and make myself look bomb." 

"You always look bomb babe" Clyde says, kissing Bebe like the sap he is. Craig always has to look away when the heteros are at it again. 

"Thanks babe, but seriously… I hate bitches like this. I followed her because she was supposed to be body positive but all I'm getting is this shit" Bebe complains. 

"Lemme see" Craig says, while he's not interested in make up he  _ is  _ interested in watching train wrecks so he gets up off his ass to go look at Bebe's phone screen over her shoulder. 

The blogger is just talking to their audience. Their voice is kinda whiney and annoying, familiar even. Craig cringes at the makeup "look" she's sporting. Look, Craig doesn't like makeup but he knows what a good look entails. He's seen Bebe do hers many times before and this so called beauty blogger? They haven't blended their thick green eyeshadow with the equally thick blue eyeshadow. The lashes are thick and spidery, the lips are so overlined, the contour is heavy, foundation flaky and the blush too heavy handed. It seems like this chick doesn't know the meaning of the word  _ blend.  _ Even Craig Tucker, useless gay, knows how important blending is. 

"This is a nice everyday lewk for skewl…" the blogger says, and it clicks in Craig's head.

"Bebe, that's … that's clearly Cartman" Craig points out. He can't unsee it now, the double chin, whiny voice and ugly face. Yeah, that's definitely Eric Cartman, in drag so it seems. 

"No it's not" Clyde replies, scrutinizing the image on screen further. 

"Holy fuck Craig" Bebe says, "I think you're right."

"The way he says school… like skewl" Craig adds.

"Oh" Clyde says "yeah… I think it is him."

"Why the fuck would Cartman wanna be a makeup guru?" Bebe asks.

"Easy, the money. He can promote himself online, get a following and get paid to shill shitty products" Craig drawls. It's weird and it's also kinda low but, well, it's Cartman. Craig is pretty sure Cartman will do anything for money at this point.

"I hate this!" Bebe says angrily "I followed him because he claimed he was a body positive makeup artist. That's why a lot of other people followed him but now he's here selling flat tummy tea!" She seems genuinely upset.

"I'm sorry babe, he's actually the worst" Clyde says with concern. 

"Who cares Bebe" Craig shrugs "just unfollow him and move on."

"No Craig you don't get it. For some people make up is art, it's their way to express themselves and that's even harder when you don't look like the traditional Instagram model… I thought he was doing something positive just to turn around and do  _ this!"  _ Bebe fumes.

"I'm sorry Bebe" he replies "I didn't realise it meant this much to you. Let's take the fucker down."

"How?" Bebe asks him wearily. 

"People like tea right? We've basically got the most scalding tea on Cartman ever" he says with a smirk.

—

If there's one thing Craig knows it's social media. He runs a pretty successful Instagram account for his guinea pig Stripe. He doesn't add any pictures or details about himself, just cute pictures of his guinea pig. He knows how to use tags and the right times to post, so he doesn't see any issues passing this on to Bebe.

They're going to help Bebe start her own beauty channel, she'll start on youtube but use Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat to promote. She can do Tik Tok too if she wants, but Craig's kinda unfamiliar with that platform, so that bits up to Bebe herself. 

She starts off just doing some makeup tutorials. A lot of really cool arty stuff that Craig is slowly finding a new appreciation for. They take turns sharing her content, tagging it, sending it to friends. Craig even shouts her out on his Stripe account, the first non guinea pig related content on there. That boosts her follower count a ton, so Craig makes sure to do it a few more times, spaced out as not to annoy his original audience. Clyde has followers on Snapchat so he gets her some followers from their too but most of it is done by Bebe. Bebe has always been good with social media but never really utilised her talents. She'd lacked confidence in her talent but Cartman hustling in on an industry she's so passionate about has really brought her out of her shell. That and she has Wendy as her female best friend and nobody, not even Craig or Cartman does social media better than Wendy. If anyone can get Bebe viral, it's Wendy. 

The plan is to establish her, then they'll spill the tea on Cartman. Between Wendy and Craig they have  _ tons  _ of screenshots of Cartman being an asshole to expose him. Wendy's job is to hack his Tik Tok, just to prove that he is, in fact, a fraud. Craig could probably do it, but hacking is kind of Wendy's specialty so Craig leaves it to her. 

Bebe continues to build her momentum with lives where she does her makeup and expresses her creativity. She does a "boyfriend does my makeup challenge" with Clyde, she does Tweeks makeup on cam and does a video talking about body positivity. Craig edits all her videos for her. They all do well and things are just building until they can expose him. Craig knows its petty and vindictive, but he just can't stand the fucker and his money grubbing schemes. 

It's gotten between him and Tweek a little though. Craig's been editing and putting a lot of work into helping Bebe's social media and Tweek's been working. Craig really realises this when he is editing the video of Bebe doing Tweeks makeup. He finds himself smiling at Tweeks cute mannerisms, like when he twitches or tells Bebe to "be careful with that thing, man!" He misses his boyfriend. 

So he took a night off from Cartman sabotage so that they can spend some time together. It's a nice quiet night, Craig's mom let them get pizza which they took up to Craig's room and shared. Now, bellies full, they are cuddling while playing video games.

"I'm sorry I've been kinda neglecting you a little" Craig says, threading his fingers through Tweek's curly blonde hair. 

"It's okay, you've got a creative new hobby. It's cool" Tweek replies, they're both a little soporific from all the pizza. 

"Exposing Cartman is a creative hobby?" Craig questions.

"That's only part of it though like, you guys have created something. Look at Bebe, man. She's flourishing, doing what she loves and you guys are helping her. You're like an art collective, all combining your skills to create a platform" Tweek explains "I miss you but I'm glad you've got someone creative to fill your time. Especially since I work so much anyway."

"I wish you didn't though, we're still teenagers. I wanna do teenage things like make out in cars and like, have shitty McDonalds dates and like spend a weekend just playing video games and fucking" Craig bemoans "I love you and I miss you, I guess is what I'm trying to say."

"I'll cut you a deal" Tweek promises "I'll take less shifts if you take a little break from editing" 

"Sounds good" Craig replies, pressing a kiss to the top of Tweek's head "balance is important."

"It is" Tweek replies, hugging Craig closer "I love you lots."

—

It's D-day. They've all gathered at Bebe's for the launch. Craig, Clyde, Bebe (of course), Wendy and even Tweek. Tweek got the night off especially, he hates Cartman as much as any of them and he wants to have a front row seat and popcorn while it all goes down.

Bebe has been promoting and hinting at having tea to spill for at least a week. All her subscribers are waiting too, to see what intel she's gonna drop. 

Wendy spent ages helping Bebe collate evidence. Screenshots of past tweets, Facebook comments and even shitty snaps. Craig helped Bebe write it all into a script, but all of the opinions are her own. She's mad about him claiming to be body positive yet shilling weight loss tea. Craig doesn't know all that much about the body positive movement but he can see what Cartman is doing is fucked up. He doesn't need to write that dialogue for Bebe though, she's got her own opinions and she's  _ mad.  _

It's an unveiling of sorts, even though Craig, as the editor has seen the final project it's nice to watch his friend's see the fruits of their labor for the first time. Bebe, as it's her channel, gets to hit the publish button and then, bam, months of work are now live. 

Now to sit and watch Cartman's beauty empire crumble. 

It barely takes an hour. 

Bebe's phone is a buzz as people begin tagging her in things, using her hashtags or just sharing her video. Within the hour Cartman already has a callout post on tumblr. He's being accused of being transphobic, pretending to be trans for money, pretending to be a girl for attention… plus screenshots of him being racist, and anti-Semitic (it's usually directed at Kyle but that doesn't make it any less awful.)

Craig's phone is buzzing with messages from Cartman. Just walls and walls of text. Craig ignores them, replying back:  _ give Bebe credit where it's due.  _ He then turns his phone off, there's no point arguing with Cartman. 

Maybe four hours after the expose goes up Cartman goes live on Instagram. Basically fake apologizing but also denying the screenshots are him, despite the screen recording of Wendy hacking his accounts. It backfires, instead people are making response videos about how he's a nazi and that his apology is fake. There's so many tweets, comments and shares. Craig has never felt so satisfied with his own work. 

He's almost a little sad it's over, working together with his friends like this was fun.

—

"Tucker!" Calls the familiar voice of Craig's least favorite person. 

"What do you want Cartman" Craig grumbles. While he's glad that they've toppled his beauty empire and ruined his online reputation he still doesn't want to talk to him.

"I know you were behind that video! Some of those messages I sent to you!" He accuses.

"I contributed to it" Craig grins "but I'm not the brains behind it."

"As if Bebe came up with that all herself" he snorts.

"All that stuff she said, she means. Those were her thoughts" Craig replies angrily,'' You're so sexist."

"Oh come on Craig, we all know Bebe is a ditz" Cartman scoffs.

"She isn't though. Especially when she's passionate about something and she's so passionate about makeup and body positivity" Craig rants. 

"And" he continues "she cares for all the impressionable girls you are ripping off and ruining the body image of." 

"Oh my gawd Craig, stop being so dramatic! Nobody's getting hurt, I was just making some sweet money"

"What you were doing  _ was  _ dangerous. You were encouraging kids to either buy into a pyramid scheme or dieting. It's messed up" Craig lectures him.

"Whatevah, I'm a better makeup artist than Bebe anyway" Cartman says, turning on his heels and leaving.

"Sure, spider lashes" Craig says to his back, laughing. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is blesspastacraig if you wanna be friends :)


End file.
